Saturday 14th 2006 is a day that I will never forget for the rest of my natural adult life. The weekend began on a downward spiral. The love of my life came to the city that never sleeps, which you all know is right smack in my backyard, a stone throw away from my home.
I was bummed because this was my chance to finally meet face to face with her, hold her hand , or hug her. But alas i was broke and had no way to get out to her. We spoke friday night at a late hour, and this brought my spirits up because one word, nay one sound from from her lips sets my soul soaring to heights that no drug or no-one has ever been able to do. But also it made me sad, because deep down inside i knew she wanted me to come and see her.
Saturday begins...
The morning was busy, filled with the closing of our pool and the closing down of our summer back yard. I laid on the hammock bethree (before) we took it down. I laid there watching the leaves flow in the breeze and some slowly floating down to the cold hard ground. All I could think about was how this amazing opportunity was slipping through my fingers. The day before my Brother Chris had offered me money to get out to the city, but he too was broke and I could not ask this of him nor anyone at that matter... Or so I thought at the time..
Finally my the aching of my soul and heart were too much for me too bear. I tried to use the virtual world of video games to numb my pain, but this would not work. Something inside told me to sign onto aim and look at my email. Sure enough, chris hits me up and i tell him of my grief and my plight. He asked me questions, and got me back on track which i might add he knows how to do so well. He told me that he had 10 bucks down for gas and if i could come up with some more loot we could go out there. His exact words "I'm in, i mean its for love!" So I got up the guts to ask my father to borrow money so that i may journey out to the City and find her.
He lent me the money and told me good luck after a few questions i had for him concerning my apparel. Im not vain mind you, nor do I care what people think of me, but this was different, i didn't want to look like a bum infront of her. Finally we set out on our adventure. My transmission was failing, we have 11 dollars between us but we still journeyed onward. We spent hours driving and walking around the city, waiting for the moment i could met up with my love!
Chico and I went to Ground Zero and were belittled by the mere scale of the place. It was an amazing experience for me, and that is when she called me. The words I had awaited for 7 hrs that night. She had told me that she was on the way to the club that, and where it was. Chico and I departed Ground Zero and headed on our way, stopping shortly to touch the Famed 9/11 Crossbeam.
My head now was filled with nervousness, but i was set in my mission. I was finally going to be able to speak to her, look her in her eyes and maybe even walk a bit with her. Finally we arrived at the bar, which btw was a Gay Bar... Before i even set foot on the pavement from my car i knew i didn't want to set foot inside! We parked and we were yelled at by a Corrections Officer, but thankfully he saved us trouble because he told me where i could park and not be towed away.
So I walked up 18th Street between 10th and 11th, and I swear I found her right away from a distance. We spoke and I told her to turn around, and at that moment we both laid eyes on eachother for the first time in 4 months. The first time!
At first she stood behind a cage smoking a cigarette. I light up a cigarette for the two of us and we spoke face to face. My heart and Soul flew higher than ever, i could not stop looking at her, she was even more beautiful. The pictures that i have of her surely show her beauty, but still do no justice to her entire beauty. What I mean by this is, i felt as though my soul finally could connect with hers, my eyes could look into hers!
I was afraid for a time that she might just smoke a cigarette and then go back inside and that would be it. So I asked instead of just accepting.. I said, sucks you can't come for a walk, sure enough she smiled and told me she just needed to grab her coat.
Chico and I waited across from the G-bar and watched the patrons exit. We saw to Hasidic Jews leave the bar! We were amazed at this! Tanya arrived 10 minutes later and chico took my keys and went to go nap in my car. By this time it was a little after 2 am. We walked for sometime, just chatting and chatting some more. I wanted to hold her hand so much, but was afraid to do so. I do not know the boundraries, i mean i do know how she feels about me, but well... you know.
Finally after walking blocks and blocks, she said she wanted to sit down and have a drink. We finally found a nice little diner/cafe place. Right away it felt so perfect, so romantic... The live piano music the nice setting, and most of all she being there with me. Not on the phone, or over the internet right next to me. We spoke more and had a few drinks, she saw my OCD in full effect. I haven't felt that alive in SO long, I finally felt alive again for the first time in 10 years. Feeling her knee , leg or when her hand would touch mine i felt even more alive and connected. Before those 3 hours she was in my heart and soul, but after she is now forever ingrained in my soul and my heart. I told her that I only have eyes for her, and that even when I see another girl, all i can think about is her. She gave me a reciept that she rolled up and I keep it close to me, she made a lucky that she kissed and I refuse to smoke. We left and walked the wrong way and this prolonged our time together, which i was not opposed to at all. As we walked I picked some flowers and handed them to her and gave her one half of my dog tags.
God I love her so much, i wish i could be with her always. Towards the end of the moments we spent together I asked if i could hold her hand and she smiled and said yes. I held her hand and we walked further down the street, just feeling her hand against mine and our fingers intertwined was amazing for me, maybe not so much for her, but for me i was in heaven. We looked at the sky and the moon together... We spoke about how hard it was going to be to say goodbye.
We hugged 3 times and said I love you to eachother 3 times as well. Just hearing those three simple words from her, made my heart soar. I kissed her on the cheek and we parted ways, i looked back several times until she was out of my view and back inside the club. I wanted to kiss her for real, but felt that maybe it would be inapporiate, i guess i will never know. But regardless I am still so happy to have spent those short few hours with her, in retrospect i wish i would have stayed and watched the sun rise with her from central park, but i figure next time. I just hope she knows she has my entire heart and always will until she doesn't want it anymore.
Now though I am sad, because my eyes long to look upon her again. My life will be dull until we meet again. Thankfully I can still speak to her on IM, but not so much on the phone. I knew that night, that i want to grow old with her and end my days with her by my side. I knew then that I truly was in love with her and could never fall out of love with her. Now sits the situation we are both in, she is taken by another, but i will wait...
