Why? Why do I feel like this. Its like someone killed my puppy and made me eat it.. Okay before you get all in an uproar, no puppies were hurt in the making of this blog entry. All kidding aside. I don't understand it.. I feel like Im on a rollercoaster, Up and Down everyday. I think Im losing it, maybe Im just tired.
My life has drastically changed the past few months. I went from a psychopath party animal. (Ie. Pot head , Drinker, Partier and Cigarette Smoker) to a loser over night. . I mean Im not that much of a loser I have awesome friends! Which I am thankful for.. If it wasn't for my great friends I would have totally gone over the deep end. I feel as though, Im on a destructive cycle going downward! Its like subconciously Im destroying friendships and Lashing out at people who care about me. And not even calling people back who Really Really Care about me too..
I know ya'll are tired of hearing this same shit over and over again. My three life sources are totally not in harmony anymore, My soul is all out of wack, my mind feels tired and burned out, and my body.. well needless to say Im not the good looking in shape dude I used to be. Yea Im workin on it in all aspects, but I feel hindered. A good example is a Governor on a car engine. I feel like I have one of those on my life.. like when Im starting to take off something holds me back and restricts me.. Its fucked up! I know its my Karma, but what did I do that was so bad?!?! That shit keeps coming back at me like this.. I consider my self a decent person, and yes at times I can be a little loud and act dopey, but thats all in good fun. Maybe I should just give it all up and just be a plain white cracker Plain Salty and White?!
I just feel as though I can't do it anymore, none of it. Im tired of it all man. For Seven years of my life, I have been in the trenches fighting a proverbial war against emotion, hate, rage,anger,love,distrust,sadness,depression and just fucked up people. And Im tired of fighting. Its as though all of my reinforcements and munitions have been depleated, and I still need a good 50 to 60 years of energy left.. I have maybe 3 months if feels like.. I know Im wrong when I say that, and Yes I know life is hard like that, but I wish I could see the sun beyond the grey storm clouds! It sucks when on a beautiful day your mind is enclosed and engulfed in a typhoon of Hurt and Despair. Im really fuckin losing it man.. I just can't take it anymore, sitting in my room playing video games and listening to music, with no one around to chill with. Thats cool for some people, and trust me I love video games as much as the next guy. But Im an outdoors men regardless of what it is.. I love being outside, or even going out to the club! Fuck man, this whole summer went by and I didn't even get a sun tan?!?! WTF is that?!
(Its my own fault).. Well thats all.. thanks for listening :) Im hungry Im gonna go eat that puppy now..
Comments (3)
Hey Frank, hang in there. You're a good person, and the changes you are making will bring the good back again. I know it! Just hang in there!! You know we're here for you!
Posted by stbambam | September 29, 2004 7:51 PM
Posted on September 29, 2004 19:51
Frank as hard as it may seem life is a constant test. Your handle "Karmic Buddha" tells it all. As I have always said and believed, this life is a school. We learn life's lessons as we live each day. People come and people go and it is up to us to recognize the lessons in these meetings. I believe that we make a contract with ourselves and other souls before we decide to re-enter this domain that we know as earth. I believe that you as I , have chosen to be what I call Warrior Spirits. As conceited as this may sound, it was I truly believe. We are old spirits, have traveled here many times. We have agreed to take the hurt, pain, disappointment, etc. so that other souls/spirits can learn lessons. This will only serve to make us stronger and will further our growth towards reaching nirvana (No not the band lol)
Yes, some people suck and are energy vampires....but that is their karmic debt to pay....
Hang in there my son, my brother, and remember that the love that surrounds you will protect you against negativity.
Namaste Karmic Buddha, Namaste
Posted by Skibbo | September 30, 2004 1:37 PM
Posted on September 30, 2004 13:37
Om Mani Padme Hum! Thanks Dukes :)
Om Mani Padme Hum!
Posted by Karmic_inuyasha_the_prophet | September 30, 2004 1:46 PM
Posted on September 30, 2004 13:46